Roadblocks

I am an idea person. Creative in random bursts, but not a consistent flow of ideas. My follow-through, however, is less than ideal. 

I'm kinda in a funk on who I am lately, and what I'm good at! What I'm ultimately supposed to do with my life, other than raise my 5 children and be a good wife to tim. I went to college to study music and become a piano teacher. I'm over it. I taught piano for close to 20 yrs and I can't really say it's ever been incredibly rewarding. A good (emphasis) SMALL source of extra money but that's about it. Never really had that one breakout student who excelled and I just knew they'd love music the rest of their life! How is that possible, by the way?! Out of all those kids ... I tossed around the idea of doing hair for awhile, but going back to school with babies and toddlers was unappealing and mostly not possible at the time. 

I seriously have thought about becoming a lactation consultant but that also would include quite a bit of schooling and training. I'm passionate about breastfeeding and love the idea of helping other moms enjoy that special relationship. 

I'm just wondering what I would be REALLY good at - what's my niche?! I don't think I could ever be good at sales, because I don't like things pushed on me ... I've been asked many times to sell stuff, from skin care to jewelry, to candles. I'm frustrated. I really don't know what I'm good at anymore. I don't know when will be the right time to pursue something on my own, especially with two toddlers and three school age kids at home. There are days I just want to be productive and finish something, and I look at the stacks of unfinished projects and sigh. I love sewing and creating things with fabric, but am limited in my knowledge and equipment. I love decorating and have been told I'm good at it, but don't honestly know if I could help anyone else decorate! 

Here are a few things I wish I could learn to do:

1. Learn to quilt 

2. Learn calligraphy

3. Learn how to be a lactation consultant

4. Learn how to help people decorate 

5. Have a blog

6. Help people style clothes (personal shopper)

That's all I can think of right now ... And I could think of roadblocks for every one of them!! :/ a friend of mine just asked me to sell lia Sophia jewelry and I'm terrified I will fail at it because I don't think I'm good at sales!! 

I'm stuck I guess ...

goodbyes really suck ...

It's amazing to me how much grief you can go through when friends have to leave. We said goodbye today to Chris and Janice Lewis, as they begin a new ministry in Abilene Texas. Oddly enough, it's the same church where tim and I interned the summer we got married, 16 yrs ago! 

We've been friends with Chris and Janice for 10 years. Through those ten years we've spent 5 of them ministering together, and 5 apart. 2 years working alongside the youth dept at Gospel Baptist and then 3 yrs side by side at the church plant here in Ashland Ohio. We moved here to Ashland in 2010, and while we were in the beginning stages of church planting, we laughingly tossed the idea of joining us to them. They lived in Tuscon Arizona at the time. You know what? They prayed ... and they came. They moved across country on their own dime and came to Ashland. I dare you to show me a friend of yours that would do the same!! 

We've spent the last 3 years sharing life together. We've shared homes, groceries, gallons of milk, pizzas, kids and church. I looked forward to Janice's impromptu morning visits with a fresh Starbucks in her hand for me. We would talk for hours and she'd change a diaper or two before she had to pick up her girls from school. Our kids were in the hospital a few times and they were there, at our house, taking care of our other children. Last minute. No worries. They were there. Shared many laughs over the awkwardness of our kids, and tears when a child was hurt or wronged or misunderstood. 

It has saved my life having another ministry woman to navigate through this difficult church planting journey. To have her understand our struggles, share in them and also lift each other up when the other was down has been God-given. 

Janice has been my friend through it all, through many years, distance and closeness. She knows my heart. I'm amazed at the incredible spirit of generosity she and Chris both manage effortlessly. They give without thought of their own comfort. They give before they've had a chance to sit down and enjoy what's been given to them. It's pure and honest and genuine. I've been blessed by that generosity far more than I can count. There was always Coke in my house!! 

Their children are like my own daughters. I love their silly honesty and craziness. I love their quirky personalities and how they love back like crazy! They are precious girls. So smart and tender. 

My heart is heavy and my eyes are swollen from tears. It feels so lonely now. Praying for the Lord to bless my friends, enlarge their witness and multiply their ability to bless the people around them. Praying protection around their children and their marriage. Praying for provisions to be met and food in their fridge. And a McDonalds coke for when times get tough. I only wish it could be me to bring it over.