I'm enjoying taking these little walks down memory lane! Cameron, our first born, just turned 15 a week ago. How is that even possible? I still think of him being 8, crazy in love with Mario and crash and his beloved blue DS that Jesus gave him (and that's a story for another time!) :)
Tim and I were married on July 4, 1998. After a summer internship in Abilene Texas, we headed back to Springfield Missouri to finish our last year of college. Or two haha. By the time spring rolled around, I was preparing for my senior honors recital, spending long hours in the practice rooms, with Beethoven, Rachmaninov and Tchaikovsky as my companions. I remember one afternoon in March, I just had a feeling. My period was a little late, and I just felt like I needed to take a pregnancy test. So I sent Tim off to the drugstore, and an hour later, we had our answer! I remember feeling a big rush of excitement, followed by a crash of anxiety. We didn't have health insurance! And isn't that what every newlywed couple at BBC ended up with their first year of marriage? A baby?? None of our other couple friends were even entertaining the idea of babies!! I remember calling my dear old daddy, telling him the news in tears, because I didn't know how we could possibly afford to have a baby while in college. And the sweet, patient Holy Spirit spoke through my dad. My dad, who is the father of 5, lovingly reassured me that this little tiny baby growing in my womb, wasn't a surprise to our Heavenly Father! He knew exactly when this little one would begin, and it wasn't a mistake. It wasn't an accident!! No babies are accidents - they are incredible gifts and hidden blessings. "God will provide," dad firmly said. And He did!! All of our medical bills were taken care of through a pregnancy care program that we qualified for, and we didn't owe one cent! How's that for provision?!
It took FOREVER to get a bump. I watched my belly daily, as did my friends who were over the moon excited to see this pregnancy :) there wasn't much in the way of cute maternity clothes, so I started out borrowing my sister in law's clothes from her last pregnancy. I remember going to the mall one day, and I spotted a new store called Motherhood Maternity.
What.
Of course I dragged Tim in with me, and danced with joy at the beautiful selections that swung in front of me!! Maternity jeans that were snug?! Cute little skirts and dresses that didn't look look like they were tents?? Tops that didn't hang down to my ankles!!?
Yes please!!!!!
I wore that pair of maternity jeans into the ground. I remember getting so many compliments on them, from people that were shocked I had stylish jeans while pregnant. Yes, we lived that long ago, my dear children. The struggle.was.real.
That summer, Nani and Poppi came to visit, and set up camp at a small campground nearby. I spent the afternoons w mom and dad while Tim worked, and together we hung out in the evenings w them. Uncle Dan came by too. One afternoon, I felt crampy and started freaking out that I was in preterm labor. Mom and dad rushed me to the emergency room where I found out quickly that's the last place you show up pregnant. The nurse freaked out, threw me in a WHEELCHAIR and raced over to labor and delivery. I was terrified!!!
I had a urinary tract infection.
In October, we attended a birthing class. We learned all about labor and delivery, pain management, breathing, and on the last night of class, all the dads got to strap on a maternity pack that simulated a 9 mo pregnant belly. It was hilarious!! And ridiculous. There's NO way that stupid pack even remotely gave those guys ANY idea of trying to roll over in bed with a huge bowling ball in front, or the constant heart burn, or the 'waddle' you so desperately tried not to admit you were feeling when you walked, or the gazillion times a night you had to get up to pee ... We also saw a short video of an actual birth - front and center. All of our jaws dropped. And then they passed around the epidural needle. Tim almost passed out. I was convinced I wasn't going to need one of those!! (Note to former self ... you're an idiot)
So finally, my 9th month rolled around. I was uncomfortable. My belly felt enormous. I was having these constant contractions that I was SURE were the 'real thing' but my doctor kindly informed me every week that I was still only 1 cm dilated. The entire month. 1 cm. I walked and walked. Thanksgiving rolled around, and Tim's mom and dad came to spend two days with us. Grammy was convinced that I would go into labor while she was there. We went to the mall. And walked. And walked. And walked!!! Nothing. Saturday came, and they reluctantly got into the car and drove home. I assured them nothing was going to happen. My due date wasn't until December 6!! The next day was Sunday. While sitting in church, those stupid Braxton hicks contractions came back. I ignored them, and shoved a hymnal behind my aching back. I was secretly timing them though ;) all morning long, the contractions were around 10-15mn apart. Bleh.
'I'm starving,' I announced to Tim after church. 'Lets go to fazoli's!! Oh by the way, I'm having some contractions. No big deal. Blah blah blah. Let's eat!!'
He looked a little concerned but we went anyway. So we ate and returned to our cozy little apartment. I started working on my puzzle, and Tim watched football. An hour or so later, I finally admitted I was feeling miserable.
'These really hurt!' I complained. Ok. Maybe this time we should go to the hospital. Nah - they're just going to tell me nothing's wrong.
'We will wait one more hour,' Tim said firmly. 'If the contractions don't stop you're going in.'
'Fine,' I huffed. I laid on the couch and kept timing.
Ok. So maaayybe they're coming every 5 mn. Maybe we should go in??
Off we go to the hospital!! I went straight to labor and delivery this time, avoided the ER drama, and was put in a nice little room to be monitored. The nurse checked me, and after waiting with bated breath, she says,
'You're 2 cm dilated.'
Uhhhh. After an entire DAY of contractions?! What kind of crap is this?? She looked at me sympathetically, and told me they wouldn't admit me unless I was at least 3 cm. I was so upset, and ready to cry. Tired, hurting and being told I would have to go back home again?! The sweet nurse had pity on me and said she would keep an eye on me for another hour.
Ok. Pray pray hard that I start dilating more!! An hour passed and the nurse came back in to check me.
'2.5 cm dilated!' She announced. 'Ok, I'm not supposed to do this, but I think it's ridiculous to send you home.'
She told the dr I was 3 cm :) :)
I got transferred to a labor and delivery room!!! I got in! Yeah!!!
It was amusing to hear the doctor when he checked me and said in confusion,
'Uh. You're barely at 3, really more 2.5 cm dilated ... well, there's no point moving you out now.....' I just played dumb.
Buh-bayummm!!
So it ended up being an incredibly long labor. Being in the hospital didn't magically speed up my labor, much to my dismay. I was stuck at 3 cm. hours passed. Still 3. Come on baby boy!!! The dr came in again, and relayed his concerns over a long labor.
Cameron was lying face up instead of face down. Which meant he was kind of stuck - face up meant his little skull couldn't compress like it was supposed to in the birth canal and slide him down. So my labor couldn't progress. They got me on my hands and knees and I rocked back and forth. Changed positions. Rocked again ... nothing. Grrrr!!! The dr mentioned that if the baby didn't turn over, I might be looking at the possibility of a c-section. Noooo!!! I sooo wanted to have a normal delivery!! We prayed. Called mom and dad to pray. And wouldn't you know it .... Jesus turned that little boy around!
Finally I started to dilate!!! After 24 hours of labor, I was finally ready to push. And by the way - sooo thankful I ended up agreeing to an epidural. What a beautiful thing that was!!
Natural labor is for the birds.
Yeah!! I thought - it's almost over!!
Uhhh .... an hour passed. Pushing. And more pushing. No baby. I pushed for almost 2.hours. Almost ready to give up. Exhausted and feeling like I was going to puke with every push.
Then he finally came!!!
At 9:30 am, Monday, November 29, Cameron Ryan Holman was born!!!
Nani and poppi had driven all night and arrived exactly one hour later :) and brought donuts. What amazing parents I have!!! :)
It was the most amazing experience of my young life. I was 21 years old, daddy was 22. I swaddled, cuddled and learned how to nurse that tiny little boy. It wasn't easy - but I was so thankful to have my mom with me that first week! I couldn't have done it without my own momma. She cooked for us, cleaned, held her little grandson and held me together during all that postpartum craziness I was experiencing for the first time!!
So dear, sweet little Cameron. You were planned and expected from your Heavenly Father. And lovingly anticipated from your mommy and daddy here. You are our first precious little child - and my memories of those early sweet days with you will never be forgotten! All of your firsts were my firsts too!! We did it together - and you will always have that first chunk of my momma's heart dear boy. I love you cammy!!
