thinking

well, it's kinda early, and i'm up stewing over a few things ... yesterday had to have been the worst day homeschooling! and wouldn't you know, of all the people i tried calling to whine to, nobody was home! maybe that was God telling me that i should be spilling my problems to HIM, instead. novel idea, huh? so i did - spill to Him, that is. and while it felt good to get my frustrations out, i don't necessarily feel that He's telling me one way or another, what to do yet! why can't we just have a phone line up there, y'know?
i guess the bottom line is, i am completely miserable 70% of the time, homeschooling. the kids? they're fine - they like it! it's me. i'm tired of being frustrated and angry with cameron for how long it takes him to work! yesterday, he had his PSSA testing (PA mandatory testing), and did just great - he's used to taking those kinds of tests, so it wasn't a big deal. as soon as we got home, i told him he needed to do a little schoolwork, so we don't get behind, and that he needed to do 2 pgs of math. 3 hours later, only 1 pg was barely completed. i even put him upstairs to drown out distractions, then had him down here in the dining room. the fact is, when cameron has a bad week paying attention, it is a BAD WEEK. nothing i do can help it get better, or fix it. we just have to ride it out, and then it improves in a few days.
the thing is, it's not his attitude - he's never disrespectful or angry - and it's not with other subjects - it's only with MATH! i know he hates it - tim did too, and said that was his worst subject. i just can't handle the stress that results from trying to get him to knuckle down and do it, whether he likes it or not. taking things away hasn't helped. spanking hasn't helped. i am so sick and tired of fighting with him over this math, and i end up being the only one who's angry and yelling.

i am praying for wisdom, that God would show us what He wants us to do with schooling! i want to put them in christian school this fall, but again - it's the cost that freaks us out. i'm applying for their financial aid this week, so we'll see what comes of that. i am praying that if God wants them in christian school over HS, then He'll provide the piano students for me, to pay their tuition.

on a completely different subject, we're really thinking hard about having another kid! no, no - there's no bun in the oven right now, but i've really been feeling it lately! i think it would be so much fun to add another member to the family, but then there are the challenges - our house isn't very big, we don't have the option of moving to a bigger home for a LONG time, we have 4 bedrooms, but one is the kids' playroom right now ... do i really want to lose their playroom? i guess i'd have to get creative, huh? :) at least we have the minivan!! hahaha. we'll see what the future holds ...

well, that's enough ranting for awhile - maybe that's why no one calls me anymore - i'm just a big complainer! i'm sorry - i will try to be more positive! God really is good to us!